“I’m turning into my mother.”
The words I never, ever wanted to hear myself say but alas, it has become the inevitable. I call it ‘mothermorphosis’.
mother = a woman in relation to her child or children
morphosis = the manner in which an organism or any of its parts changes form or undergoes development
There comes a time in our lives as mothers that we start to follow a path that is all too similar… The path of our own mothers. This may or may not be a route we wish to follow but sometimes it happens. Sometimes it’s a good thing, other times not so good.
Don’t get me wrong I love my mother but there are some of her traits that I hate.
There are things my mother’s done that I vowed I’d never do but now find myself in similar situations. For example, I said I would never hit my children but there’s been occasions where that has been the outcome. I had gotten angry and lashed out at LO because he tore his magazines and left them on the floor after I and Daddy P had repeatedly told him to tidy it away.
Another situation where I’ve reacted like my mother was when LO was struggling to put on his shoes and we were running late for nursery. We had to rush around getting ready. Instead of taking a little more time to encourage him to put his shoes on, I flipped out and shouted at him. He’s only three years old. Moments like these it’s like I blackout and something else (or someone else should I say) takes over. After it’s over I come back to myself and sometimes feel guilty for not being patient enough for him. Not being encouraging enough or understanding enough.
I was once one of the most patient person I knew… now I zero tolerance.
I’m always stressing over the littlest things. Shouting, screaming, barking orders have now become like second-nature to me. It’s an ugly trait and I hate my mother for passing it on to me. Deep down I know I love her – I just don’t want to turn into her. I want to carve my own path for my kids and raise my kids without the negative experience I had.
I am getting better now. I’m learning to stop myself before I get too worked up. I’m still shouting the house down but then again, what parent doesn’t at least every now and then. (Unless you’re like a super-chilled mama then maybe not… I bow to your great power!) I went to a sound healing session a while back and that really helped calm my mind. I felt zoned out for the whole day so perhaps I should think about attending another session.
Mothermorphosis may be a good thing for some but for me it’s something I’m very happy to be without. 🙂